You need more female friends.
-I have more male friends than female friends abeg.
-Women are petty, gossips.
-I can’t deal with staying with another girl oh please. You’re guys now, you people don’t have trouble, but girls eh!
Many people peddle the opinion that women cannot form firm long-lasting friendships with other women. The belief is that female friendships are rife with jealousy, backbiting and pettiness. Many women act based on this notion and pride themselves on having “few female friends".
One of the best things about my life is the quality of the friends that I have. I believe that women will shortchange themselves if they pass up the opportunity to form solid bonds and sisterhood with other women simply because of this erroneous belief.
Don’t believe me? Here are 5 prime examples of the beauty of sisterhood.
Opeyemi Awofeso.
Ope, can I come to your room? I have questions about my exams and stuff?
Okay you can come over
At her room.
How is school?
#sigh. I don’t know. I just don’t know
Talk to me about it
I start to talk. But tears come instead. In torrents. And torrents.
I’m scared, discouraged and tired.
She says nothing. Hugs me. Pats my head for a few minutes until I am calmer. Then gives me a pack of rice, plantain, efo riro and turkey. She also shows me how to use her jottings from her own exams the year before me.
I leave the room with a spirit that is less broken, my heart a little lighter.
The 218 (Tumi Poluyi, Omom Ogar, Olamide Awopegba, Eunice Olugbenga, Toke Sodeinde, Boluwatife Oyetayo, Tobi Martins)
I spent the longest time on this one because I couldn’t pick out just one scenario that would adequately convey the depth of this friendship.
Just think sacrifice- like sharing the last spaghetti they have with you when you’re broke. Think attentiveness- like remembering that you you had been dreaming about a spa session and booked you one. Think honesty- like telling you “It’s like you’re not okay" when you are making harmful decisions. Think loyalty- like standing up for you when people try to slander or peddle gossip about you. Think lightheartedness and joy- like being loudly goofy when you go out because the girls are here for one another, not anyone else. Think hypemen- like shouting“their daddies' daddies" like agberos when you manage to wear a new dress and draw your eyebrows. Like hyping to the high heavens even the tiniest achievement you make.
There’s more, but that will take a whole post and I know your attention span is short.
Osakwe Gift
I’m thousands of miles away in the US and need to pay for my license asap.
Hey Gift, how are you? Please can you help me pick up my statement of result?
Leaves her classes to go and fight Nigerian civil servants for me. The fight lasts 3 days. She doesn’t relent. For me? Phew.
Salamah Junaid
Me: Speaks at a small gathering
Junaid:
Everybody come and see oh. See this wonderful, intellectual, ground breaking, amazing oral exposition delivered by one of the finest orators ever to walk on planet earth!
Many times I wonder who she is talking about. Like who? Me? Wow. Her words of encouragement are many times out of nowhere. Unknown to her, those kind words are a source of strength when I feel like I am not enough, not doing enough. I’m grateful for this.
Mrs Uche Dibor
-Chiamaaaakaaaaaa. How are you now? How is school? Is it really difficult? Oya gist me noww what’s going on?
- Do you have food? Here’s that fruit bread you really like.
-Wow. There’s no light in school??? Come home now. Let’s feed you a bit.
Relationships between older and younger women are often touted to be strained, at best, non-existent at worst. But with her, it’s effortless. She gets it. She understands my experiences as a young woman and has the most invaluable advice. She is kind, honest, non-judgemental in the best way possible and extremely wise. I have gained clarity on many life issues just by listening and talking to her to. I have learnt to be a woman who stands up for what she believes is right.
You might be rolling your eyes at this point, wondering why I am bragging (yes bragging!) about what wonderful luck I have with friendships. In fact, I didn’t give all the examples. There are many more amazing women I am friends with so I completely understand your envy! But when your eyes are back to normal , I’d say this- there are good and bad friendships and they could be male or female. Sometimes though, as a woman, you just need another woman who really understands. Understands heartbreak from your own perspective; understands periods and having to carry pads around; understands how sexual harassment feels and how often it happens to women; understands what it means to be shouted down or talked over at important meetings by virtue of your gender. Sometimes you need sisters to fully comprehend the struggle. So when the chance at such beautiful sisterhood comes your way, take it! It’s absolutely priceless.
