Mid- Twenties, Vibes and God When
At fourteen if you had asked me where I would be at twenty four, I definitely would not have imagined a semi broke doctor, with no permanent license, begging her university to give her her certificate so she can do the compulsory one year of national service. My fourteen year old self would have laughed at you if you suggested this was what awaited her in 10 years, and would probably have told you to please get out.
Being a young person in today’s Nigeria can be a thoroughly frustrating and challenging experience. Every day you face challenges that you did not even realize would exist and you were never prepared to deal with them. How do you deal with the uncertainty of not being able to move on after spending seven years in university, and one year of post graduation training? How do you plan for month after month of lobbying for something you earned, without which you cannot make any career moves? How do you prepare yourself for the possibility that you may walk out in broad daylight, and you would be robbed of everything on you, and your “struggle” money, taken away just like that? How financially astute can you train yourself to become to manage a salary that remains static, and expenses that continue to rise? Every day is a gamble, and you are not really sure how it would end.
I tend to ponder and agonize over things like this, and the anxiety, fear and uncertainty almost became unbearable. I worried about money, worried about my future career, worried about how much time would be wasted, worried about my safety, worried worried worried. I had this idea in my head about how far I should have gone by now, how much I should be making, where I should be living, etc etc and honestly, the anxiety became this big heavy weight that plagued me all day and night. Through this time though, I realized there were lessons to learn. I have learnt a few, and while they did not take away all of that weight, they have helped me put my life, and where I am in better perspective.
The first and most important lesson I have learned is that my life, and who I am is multifaceted, and a complex interplay of all the various aspects of my life. An obstacle in one domain does not mean my life is over, or that I am finished. It is an obstacle, and that is it. Does it frustrate, annoy and make me incredibly upset? Yes it does. Does it throw a major wrench in my plans? Definitely. But that is all. I am learning to stop giving so much power to problems. I am learning to stop feeding the roadblocks so much that they grow so big and block me from seeing every other path that is free for me to walk through.
Second lesson is that I can’t kill myself honestly. Problem no dey finish. When you finish attending to one, another one will come. I just need to keep my head above water, and keep moving. Sometimes, the worst pressure is the one we place on ourselves. There is nobody chasing me. I call my mother to beg her for money. And so what? Someone else is a billionaire at my age. All the best to them. People who went to private unis have gotten their certificates, started national service, done this, done that. It is good. God will do our own. To each their own race. Nothing spoil.
Finally, I have learnt that for my own sanity, and well being, I must carefully curate the information I ingest and the things I expose myself to. There is a reality of what is going on and I am well aware of how bad things are. But I no longer find it useful to consume every bit of news about the state of affairs in the country. I learnt an interesting concept recently, about one’s circle of concern, and circle of influence. The circle of concern is basically things a person is passionate about/interested in/worried about , while the circle of influence refers to stuff you can actually do something about/control. Stressing about things in my circle of concern, which are not in my circle of influence is a stressful & fruitless exercise. The first step I have taken is to actively remind myself that not every piece of news requires my energy, emotions, or even my attention. Sometimes, to stay sane, I choose ignorance.
E sweet to talk abi? It’s the sustained action that is now the main problem. As the saying goes though, Rome was not built in a day. This life is an endless string of lessons, and I intend to keep on learning them.
